The Magic of the Journey Within Retreat

My first spiritual retreat existed in my mind before I had my first client. Of course, you could say that spiritual retreats were always the goal. But, you can't host an empty spiritual retreat and call it a success, so I had to create a pathway for my dream, but I also needed a bit of experience. Back then, I held my breath whenever someone booked a psychic session. I kept thinking there was always the possibility that Spirit would not show up with the answer my subject was seeking, and I would look like a fraud.

Adopting that fear of failure hurt me in the early years because I kept attracting people full of doubt and those insecure about their spiritual beliefs. It would also come down to some wayward religious person, explicit in letting me know that despite wanting a reading, I was the devil worshiper, not them. But soon enough, I changed course and got more thoughtful about how I positioned myself, and I gained confidence by showing up for the work. Honestly, I put my head down and forgot about retreats. Instead, I stood on the sidelines and watched others do what I deeply desired. I shifted my focus to creating a consistent clientele and creating programs I knew could impact even the most resistant energy. Work that resulted in many people becoming unstuck and more connected to themselves and their spiritual journey.

Now two weeks removed from my first spiritual retreat, I still can't believe the magic that happened there. Imagine 12 strangers showing up in the spirit of a wellness retreat but leaving with the awareness that they had met their soul family. And simultaneously, I am present with everything that almost canceled that possibility. 

Planning a retreat isn't for the faint of heart. At the start of this process, I knew I possessed enough business management experience to be aware that I would need help pulling this off while maintaining my client load and balancing the needs of my little family. Although the millennial concept of the aesthetic was a huge hindrance to progress in the beginning, I was clear on the impact I wanted to have on others. Still, I knew selling the experience would be dependent on what the eyes could see first, and what the hearts could feel would come second. 

The funny thing is I didn't hire an event planner. I activated a thought partner, a modern designation for an event planner who thinks critically and also happens to thrive sitting in a place of discomfort. What I wasn't expecting was to be questioned about every detail. But, I think sometimes we are dismissive of what genuine support encompasses. In my mind, an event planner handles the details of what you want. If I'm honest, I cried after the first planning session with Madame Thought Partner because I felt like she gaslighted me over the art of curation and its literal definition. One theme I have experienced throughout my career is those who consider all lightworkers created equal and therefore surmise the eternal mystic of spirituality as something easily understood. This spiritual retreat was intended to be more than just a group that would come to a destination to build community and be like-minded while semi-vacationing. Spirit implored me to break them open and prime them for spiritual healing. I was reminded of my conflict with audacity and force in trying to steer the course. And, I found my way with the acceptance that we impact others based on where we are on the journey. My intention for the retreat was ease and humility, and my Thought Partner was looking to impress the small mass of people I desired to host. We both had the same goal with a different approach. Although we weren't constantly flowing on the same vibration, Madame wasn't the villain. She served as the confrontation I needed to accept a lesson. She was the manifestation of my fears and past experiences presented to me at a time when I needed the push when I required the courage to stay true to my vision. When I say vision, I'm not simply talking about an idea to accomplish a task. I'm speaking of the seeds of Spirit - planted within us that we must nurture to fruition. The delicate images sent through Spirit as dreams and even through my waking state were aligned with my overall purpose. That purpose had to be protected, manifested through me as an extension of the Light. This vision isn't merely the ego of thought; this is the soul urge of the Divine. And without the acknowledgment of this higher call, a team that is not balanced in the "vision" will always require more physical work than needed. The interesting thing about teams is that anyone I have thought to employ as a helping energy as a solopreneur has been fleeting because of the difficulty in accepting the true nature of my work. My vision, in this sense, is singular and distinct, much aligned with individual soul purpose. True vision is never a shared goal in how an organization has shared business goals. Therefore it is hard to articulate and even harder for someone to be grounded in an intangible thing that feels like a moving target. 

At some point, it felt like a runaway train, and there was nothing I could do to catch up or find myself in it. 

With every person I employed to help pull this experience off, I felt I also agreed to give them a piece of my vision, which became the ingrained conflict. I wasn't sure, even in the beginning stages, that anyone would sign up to go anywhere with me, but after my first yes, there was hope. I felt like the vision was coming to life, but it wasn't taking the right shape. The thought planner, the caterer, the facilitators, the participants, and everyone expected some aspect of what they wanted to be represented while still pushing the full responsibility for the overall impact of the experience on me. It occurred to me that this was the true meaning of selling out, siphoning off your dreams to prove to yourself it wasn't just a dream. At some point, it felt like a runaway train, and there was nothing I could do to catch up or find myself in it. 

The thing about anything you are trying to sell is it's not ever simply about the service or the product. It's always about you. And in 2022, the relative status a person receives from attaining your service or product. Ultimately, you are selling yourself; whatever else the buyer gets is extra. But how could I sell myself if everyone else positioned themselves as the most critical factor in the experience? And since the selling was of the self, the participants bought into "me" and signed up for the experience to be with me. But not explicitly in the vision I was curating, but in the notion that they perceived to be buying. This distinction is important because it made the in-person guidance immediately powerful. Suppose my clients (and honestly anyone in practice and guidance) believed that the connection to Spirit could be facilitated via our remote phone sessions like they are in person. In that case, we could all manifest and call upon the highest light. However, on some level, we all feel like we need a physical presence to guide us there. 

Along the way, participants told me they were looking forward to me being with them in person as they knew that the sessions and the entire retreat would be "powerful." But, what is the definition of power? I questioned that a lot throughout the journey of fulfilling my destiny of a successful spiritual retreat experience. The ease in using this word made me wonder if I knew what was meant by "power," especially since I had already been forced to ponder the concept of curation deeply. However, I later realized that this impact, the power they spoke of, came from the fact that I was sitting and standing as the representative of Spirit. Therefore, the physical manifestation of the connection could be ushered, guided, and anchored in me.

It's interesting in retrospect that if I were to find a way back into my soul's desires and harness my power, I would need to keep saving something for myself, and that's precisely what I did. I added an extra gift to the swag bag that wasn't budgeted or a part of the planning process. I played with the idea of having the participants connect to my voice and journey by sending out personal messages intended to help ground them for the experience. And little by little, it started to feel like the whimsical images that visited me, often showing me and guiding me toward what felt like a larger destiny.  

Despite this awareness, there was little joy in the process of planning because the conflicts and the pressure made such little space for my honesty about this experience to be received. As I've been asked about how it feels to be on the other side of the retreat, I can vulnerably say that it was a battle. It was a complete reckoning within myself and a test of my faith, which found me in an H.E.B parking lot one day before the event calling a friend to ask her, "how could I recover the joy I started with on this journey?" I needed her help in realigning with me. And why was I even at this point? I believe it was because when it comes to cultivating the magic of firsts, like expansion, it is painful, emptying, and in the end, it is lonely work. When I have tried to explain to those who shared the experience with me, there's always been a layer of resistance in ego that has met me. The same kind of ownership that I found in my vision, they then expressed in my response to what I had just completed. But here's the thing, this "completion" was a step in my expansion. I now feel and know that I am going forward, not backward, and I will not become stagnant or stuck. And to move, I, too, must let go and release what I have known and done up until this point. Ironically, my friend's advice was: "you will be powerful." Round and round, it kept coming back to this same sentiment. 

The retreat was never just a spiritual retreat; it was a test. I thought I was trying to prove that I could be equally effective in person as I was on the phone. It was the failure protocol for all the no's that I received from the organizations I longed to partner with to bring authentic mindfulness and emotional clarity inside the corporate environment. Or so I thought. 

In actuality, the retreat, the Journey Within, was my portion. It was an arm of my soul's purpose to create a place where emotions were the focus, not the backdrop of the conversations. My little utopia where we could show up with tears, broken, and be not only accepted but healed by the absolute remedy that is Spirit. When I got lost, defensive, and frustrated along the way to New Mexico (my retreat destination), I had to remember that was why I was fighting for my expansion. 

As the spiritual retreat got closer, I felt like I had spent so much time battling for what I wanted that I had not adequately prepared enough for the experience. What has always been true about my visions is that they are revealed pieces at a time. I knew the outcome would be worth it, but I didn't have a tangible program for how it fit together. The vision was about them, bringing the participants to a place where they could see themselves and start to face the dark corners of their emotional landscapes. I didn't need to be bigger than life in my vision interpretation. I just needed to be there to lead the discussion and guide them through my acquired spiritual knowledge. To be powerful felt like a tall order on top of everything else I was wading through to make the experience a reality. By that point, everything was becoming a distraction, and I had less and less time until finally, we were on the way to Santa Fe, and I had absolutely nothing to say. 

This speechlessness took me back to when I still worked a traditional 9-5, I would give the few clients that I had at the time psychic readings on my lunch breaks, and sometimes I would disappear during my shift and find a quiet place or empty hallway to read for others psychically. My actual job was emotionally taxing and stressful, and I wasn't doing anything that made me feel like I was using my gifts to their fullest potential. I started to feel that way about some of my 1:1 sessions on the road to the retreat. These days, when I step outside of my gift or the place where I am being called, it feels like I am back in the hallway. Like I am shrinking back to a place I have already been and am not destined to return.  

At some point, I realized I wasn't more prepared for the most significant thing I had done as a solopreneur because I was still earning a living answering questions for people who have no plans to change—all the while changing and evolving myself. Even when met with mortal roadblocks and especially the doubt of the energies around me, my devotion to the frequency of Spirit always seeks alignment. This faithfulness has meant that I am always ready for what comes next, despite how prepared I think I feel. Post retreat, that hasn't changed. I understand that my current designation is more expansive than simply answering questions. But I need to create the physical space for people on the journey to connect with the more profound concepts of Spirit and spiritual knowledge and develop tangible experiences for those willing to show up to receive it. I abandoned my greater creative desires so long that I almost forgot how much movement and change drive my most authentic spiritual ambitions. 

Ultimately, my story is an example of what it looks like and feels like to learn in Spirit. To move in a way where every experience becomes a connection to your emotional landscape and an opportunity for clarity. As it turned out, the embodiment of power was manifested through Spirit's grace and my ability to share my raw spiritual perspective with others in real-time. The true magic of the first anything is the blind trust you have to render to get through it and the overwhelming joy and happiness that becomes you when you accomplish what you set out to do. I have had many magical firsts in my lifetime, and they have all filled with happy tears. I stand grateful for the opportunity to have such a designation and that those needing a spiritual remedy would come to meet me in the desert and surrender themselves to the guidance of the Light. My vision came to life in exchange, and my mission was renewed. The guidance at the conclusion of this spiritual lesson is simply this: following a season of ease, a season of force is required. I wholeheartedly accept this message for growth and will utilize it to continue to forge my expansion in the ways that resonate most deeply with me. 

If you would like to connect with the intention to take a deeper dive into your own journey, schedule time with me here.

And if you want details on my next curated spiritual experience, get on my list !