3 Hard to Break Attachments in Relationships
Have you ever had a hard breakup? Most people have endured some heartbreak from either an actual relationship or unrequited love. What about breaking up with yourself?
Just today, I had an intuitive session with someone that is overly consuming the desire to be in a relationship. I find this clint settling at every turn, avoiding the necessary awareness to change her behavior to experience healthier connections.
Why don’t we just break up with ourselves?
The three attachments that are hardest to break in relationships are codependency, sexual obsession, and manipulation.
Codependency is attachment to another person because of the insecurity and rejection of yourself. In codependency, you fear being alone because you don’t have any established self-worth. Your identity is entirely dependent on another person as a blended identity. Your only purpose in codependent connections like these is to please the other person so that the relationship or connection continues interrupted.
Codependency is extremely difficult to break as a pattern in a relationship because it is hard to identify as belonging is a natural human trait. But codependency is destructive. All people exist to find divinity through themselves, not to link to others in a way that gives you no identity, no power, or freedom of choice. The power of choice is the gift of life, but also, rising as a unique soul offers you the most incredible opportunity for empowered connection.
Sexual obsession is a form of greed. It’s also codependency. Most of us would rather omit how we show up in romantic connections because when we do, it leaves our potential partner responsible for the change, not us. I say this often, but most people don’t want to change. The average person active in therapy, coaching, or spiritual guidance wants to say they are growing because they are showing up for the process. Showing up for the process but not applying to your circumstances kind of defeats the purpose.
Manipulation shows up in many relationships right from the start. We all create versions of ourselves we deem more appropriate for specific connections. At the beginning of many romantic relationships, women are looking to be chosen, validated even. I find this a lot working with 30 something millennials. Despite the rise of feminism, many women are a lot more old-fashioned than they claim to be. Often very insecure within themselves, their sexual identity, and genuinely haven’t found themselves because of the energy it requires to look. Emotional manipulation is something many people struggle with related to untreated anxiety or depression and the desperate need to be seen and understood by someone they want in their life.
Many people get stuck on the spiritual journey for various reasons in self-acceptance or acceptance of their circumstances. Most are more committed to who they know themselves to be rather than what the healing process uncovers for them. If this is your struggle, you are still resistant. As a result, you are making it harder for the Light to flow through you. This understanding of energy flow is essential because our spirit guides and the messages we receive from them can only move through us as they find us. If we are resistant to the signs and messages that change is required, our lessons to help us experience change are harder.
These three attachments reveal that so many people are forcing it when it comes to connections so that they don’t have to be responsible for the change required within. Two significant roadblocks come to mind; judgment and greed. Judgment prevents us from seeing things as they appear in reality. When our vision gets blurry, our actions come from ego and not soulful alignment. And our greed is a byproduct of the altered sense of reality. We only want what we want because it is available to others. At some point, we have to stop and ask ourselves, “how does looking outside of ourselves heal the inside?
We often look to these external actions like guidance, bodywork, talk therapy, and energy work as the definition of growth rather than an access point. However, any external practice is only as successful as it produces a change in your mindset, not just your actions. So, for example, if you show up snatched from physical transformation or more relaxed from meditative practices, with the same pattern of thought that kept you stuck, your energy is unchanged.
One thing about humans, we will force almost anything but actual change.
If you are seeking to look more deeply at how you show up in relationships, or you want to explore lightening your emotional load so that you can navigate romantic connections easier, schedule a session with me.
In the meantime, check out these podcast episodes:
Navigating Relationships Pt. 1