Navigating Evolving Relationships
Our relationships are messy...always. We aren’t navigating anything. We let our emotions control us and let our egos run wild, all while we are logging into Zoom asking for guidance, therapy, and vent session after vent session.
Relationships are hard. It’s hard enough to exist in this plane and get yourself through the day. At least that’s what I hear. We just out here surviving. It’s literally the best we can do.
It’s not that we can’t do better or that we don’t want more for ourselves. It’s simply work. And work is hard. We get lost in it. We lose focus quickly as we get distracted by life. Most of us traded in our core values so long ago that we don’t remember what they are. We must have, because that is how we ended up here, in 2020.
Also, we don’t know anything about our emotions. We don’t.
Our emotions are holding us back from evolution in our relationships. Many of us fail in our emotional landscapes because we were never permitted to just be as children. We have emotionally unavailable parents, and we avoid therapy like the plague.
So if you wonder what makes relationships so challenging, it’s because we don’t know who we are as souls, and we are reluctant to connect deeply with others as souls. That’s it. It’s that simple.
What I know now is that we better learn how to make connections easier. We have to be able to sit in uncomfortable truths. We must honor our deep love for one another despite our pain. Most importantly, our limitations must be eliminated as barriers; instead, see them as opportunities to learn even more.
This concept is basic.
We have to invest in soul growth as friends, partners, and co-workers. Yes, co-workers matter. You spend too much time with these people to be in constant competition and not understand who they are or what motivates them in connection. But that’s a topic and a story for another time.
I want you to know that your relationships require boundaries.
The people that are failing the most in their relationships struggle with boundaries. And, that struggle typically looks a little like this: you are the desperate friend, but you don’t know it. You want everyone to say yes to you, and you can’t decide anything on your own; you have insurmountable difficulty handling the truth, which is why most people don’t come to you first about things. And, Friend, you probably experience a lot of emotional triggers. Not to mention, you are often uncomfortable about what is said in regular conversation, and you are continually seeking approval from a variety of sources. But, all of this will be ok when you learn to set boundaries.
Boundaries are there to help determine what stays and what goes. Or, who stays and who goes.
There is also the pink elephant in the room...you. The ultimate solution to navigating evolving relationships is to understand what needs to shift, you or them. To decide this, you have to consider boundaries more tangibly. Not as just the line you draw to keep people out and keep you in, but you have to connect with the various types of boundaries so that you can begin using them.
You need to understand if your boundaries exist on some level, and it is probable that they do. Most people that find limitations to be hard typically have them. They are just too flexible. You show up as a bit codependent (because you are), and you accept a lot of negativity from others because you fear rejection.
Though some of us struggle with boundaries in that, we are restricting too many aspects of life. When we limit too much, boundaries are firm. In this situation, it could be because we have trust issues, isolate often, or have too many people around us with nonexistent boundaries, so we are grossly overcompensating for them.
And, then there are fitting boundaries. These are appropriate. You mostly stand up for yourself and have a decent amount of clarity.
Hold onto this, setting boundaries are great as you discover more about you and navigate your connections, but boundaries are only worthwhile if you maintain them. My advice to you: understand that your relationships should add value to your life. If they are not, release them.
If and when things get sticky, you have to consider normalizing a few phrases that will help you to lead with a clear mental space:
No. Because, no is a complete statement.
That doesn’t work for me.
This is not in alignment with who I am.
This is not in alignment with where I am.
Let me think about it.
Relationships are hard. We are doing what we can to keep it together. Our trauma, distractions, and lack of clarity will make that more difficult, but if we fail in our relationships, we will probably miss a massive aspect of our soul purpose -- it’s that important.
Here’s a message that I recently shared on my podcast:
“Understand that abundance lives in ‘now.’ Always seek knowledge about the present. It is not just the past that holds wisdom, but also the present. To realize wisdom, you must live without fear or judgment, and these two things do not allow growth or movement. Everything you need right now is in this moment.”
Creating the most accessible pathway to navigate our present will offer us much knowledge about our future. We will always seek connection because that is why we are here. If that’s indeed the case, what do you want your relationships to feel like?
Schedule some time here for us to consider the purpose your more complicated relationships.
And, check out these episodes from the Life of an Empath podcast:
Navigating Evolving Relationships Pt. 1