The Wounded Mother
Sometimes I look back over my old musings and think people must think I hate my mother, and I don't. But, I can't say the journey with her in this life hasn't been difficult for both of us.
For such a long time, I considered the type of daughter she would rather have, and when I found that person in an old co-worker, I was motivated to introduce them to each other. Shockingly enough, my mother couldn't have been more put off by this person. This person was the "daughter" she was constantly comparing me to that was more accomplished, that had not played it safe but used intelligence and the roadmap academia set forth to be the guide. But, that whole ordeal helped me realize that I didn't know everything there was to know about my mother's complicated energy, and I had yet to experience motherhood for myself at that time.
Who is the wounded mother?
The wounded mother is the broken inner child, with a dominant outer child. This explanation may be complicated for some, but for me, it's not just who my mother is, but it also reveals my approach to spirituality. It is not sufficient to simply run to our inner child for inspiration in our roadblocks in life. When we do this, we are assumptive, and we glorify the experience of the inner child. It is through our inner child's understanding that a voice is given to the outer child. And, it is the behavior of the outer child that must be modified to experience life more fully. The whimsical and emotional inner child could never solve our behavioral traits or course-correct us enough to lead us back to our soul's purpose.
The wounded mother was never safe or desirable to others, so she is never fully present with herself. This personality is riddled with dissociative behavior and lacks empathy. Unsurprisingly, the most motivating trait in any wounded mother is trauma.
In trauma, many adverse conditions and characteristics control the daily life of this unhealed soul. Many people can relate to Munchhausen's Syndrome as an extreme example of the wounded mother, but this is not the only way this persona interacts. Certainly, unhealed wounded souls negatively affect the people around them. But the wounded mother stands out because there is a severe impact on the children she bears.
Children conceived of the wounded mother are created in the energy of desperation. Here, the wounded mother burdens the souls of her children before their creation with a purpose unrelated to their divine designation. In this circumstance, the wounded mother quickly turns against any child that defies her from an early age.
The wounded mother is delusional, selfish, and stimulated by negativity in both their experience and that of her children. She believes unconsciously she is surrendering her karmic debt by trying to be the example of motherhood she never received.
Authority & The Wounded Mother
So now that you better understand who the wounded mother is and have maybe begun to identify this personality in problematic energy around you, the plot thickens. The wounded mother has significant issues with authority issues, but it manifests differently from your average millennial unwilling to conform. Because the wounded mother experienced early Earth trauma either in the womb or in childhood that leads to unhealthy behaviors, they begin to view authority as a place to gain independence. The wounded mother is lost in the youthful stages of life and is desperately seeking to control. In taking control, this persona often looks to visible success, milestones, career advances, and academia as social proof of overcoming their unfavorable circumstances and validation that they can make an authoritative claim on themselves and others.
The wounded mother has an interesting dance with people in high-ranking authority roles. First, the wounded mother seeks to be an authoritative figure, showing some restraint and deference to these figures in her life. Secondly, the wounded mother was ultimately rejected by her mother or placed on a pedestal; therefore, she seeks the ultimate authority because of these circumstances.
A Generational Pattern?
The wounded mother is often a generational pattern. Mothers that come from troubled mothers seek to nurture early in life as a means of concealing their deep-seated need for help. The mother's wounds are passed genetically to their children, but the child decides how to cope with the trauma and does not become a wounded mother by default or diving designation.
Through the awakening, every soul has an opportunity to consider their circumstances and choose to approach them from a spiritual perspective and heal or internalize them through ego-based behaviors and validate their responses to their growth conditions. In choosing ego, the wounded mother soul continues to impact others negatively and without understanding their role in creating trauma and negative outcomes for their children, partners, and other soul connections.
The Impact of the Wounded Mother
Wounded mothers often have negative traits that prevent connection, especially in the children they bear to heal their wounds and eliminate their negative circumstances.
The most polarizing traits of the wounded mother are that of negation and self-judgment.
The wounded mother derails confidence not just in her children but in all that surrounds her. Because one of her strongest traits is self-judgment, it manifests as harsh criticism of others and creates the energy of opposition. Her critiques impose doubt and fear within others of opposing her to remain in control of her environment. And, control of the domain is critical because it is something that she did not experience in her childhood, therefore, demands in adulthood.
The self-judgment runs so deep that it is impossible to rule it out as only criticism. It is born of the hatred of self but manifests into intense envy of other people and incites other self-deprecating behaviors, which range from overeating to alcoholism to drug abuse, hoarding, physical abuse, self-harm, and anything commonly used to self soothe and to allow self-gratification to reduce the internal dialogue of the emotional pain, memories, and circumstances of a lifetime of trauma.
In negation, almost everything the wounded mother does ultimately brings forth a negative response or outcome. The wounded mother has a difficult time accepting reality as it is. Because of the denial, this unhealed soul is difficult to please and even harder to help. The wounded mother spends a lot of time creating, validating, and approving their ideas and reasoning concepts. Almost everything you present to the wounded mother is negated and thereby manifests defensive behavior. The wounded mother is irrationally defensive. The slightest implication of error on her behalf sends her into fight or flight. The wounded mother can never be wrong in her eyes and rarely accepts blame without inciting a form of victimhood. This makes it very difficult to have ease of exchange when communicating your discomforts, even when your issue is minor. Everything is genuinely about her in a constant state of protection because it would require compassion, love, respect, and honesty for it to be about others. Unfortunately, these are emotional muscles the wounded mother did not learn or often receive as a child and has no emotional recall to facilitate as an adult.
If nothing else, the wounded mother is often dishonest. The biggest deception is that of her self-image. But, her dishonesty with others cost her the most in her closest connections.
How to heal from the wounded mother
Distance from the wounded mother helps to create a strong identity for yourself, one in which you learn to release doubt and form beliefs for yourself. However, distance is difficult because the wounded mother in your life is likely your mother. But, if you have recognized a significant enough problem to lead you to this post, you are allowing Spirit to guide you, and you are in the stages of awakening your soul to expansiveness and growth.
Learning to heal a lifetime of pain that probably still exists will take daily effort. Although creating distance will help you begin to seek more objective and healthier forms of support. What may surprise you is that community can be vital in any aspect of transformation. Remember that any change is as much you as any siblings or your wounded mother, for that matter.
In true healing, you learn to direct your energy in a way that aligns with your personal and spiritual goals, and hopefully, your soul purpose. As time goes on, your life's positive traits will begin to outweigh the constant negative energy and dialogue you encountered growing up with a wounded mother.
Forgiveness will come into play at some point but only attempt this with contemplation, support, and alignment with your personal goals. It would help if you were ready to release and not fall back into unhealthy patterns of your own such as guilt, trauma bonding, or anger. Forgiveness comes with was and a lot of processing.
The light flows through all of us as it finds us. Be open to new possibilities, a new language for your experience, and healing to enable you to continue the journey peacefully.
If you have noticed difficulty with the mother figure in your life and would like more soul level information about the purpose of this connection, schedule a session with me here. You can also chat with me first, to understand my approach to healing the impact of the wounded mother.